This 1,100 sq. ft. cyclorama has been painted countless times in the 17 months.
Well, if we had to put a number on it, it's probably around 80 times. It's been painted by professionals, interns, and WELD members.
For the most part, though, I've painted this monstrosity alone.
I know how long it will take me, how much paint I will use, and it's inevitable fate….tomorrow, someone will walk all over my beautiful work.
This cyc was created to be used, and sometimes, it feels as if I was created to maintain it.
I am the creator of fresh starts here at WELD.
An endless cycle of working and working for precision, only to be trampled upon by models, children, or in today's case…..privileged boys riding bikes all over it.
It is possibly the most difficult, but most rewarding part of my job.
Painting over the day's mistakes requires no real talent….just a lot of effort, and a little bit of bourbon.
When I'm putting on a fresh layer of paint, no one can tell me I'm not good enough, that I'm doing a horrible job, that I'm wasting my time, or even that I look terrible.
I literally could care less.
When I'm doing the most servant part of my job, I do so with the understanding that nothing glorious can come of my efforts.
It's ALWAYS easier, better, and faster to accomplish this with someone else. But the Lord doesn't always provide help.
Sometimes, you have to be enough by yourself.
Our fulfillment should not come in a job well done, and applause should not always be expected.
I wish I had this same perspective on the rest of my life.
If only I could end each day knowing that I gave my best effort for glory I will never know. If only this could be enough for me.
More than anything else, I pray for humility. I beg the Lord to take away the longing in bones to conquer a world that will never be mine for the taking.
I am sometimes a servant, paving the way for a community; for a kingdom whose gates I may never see in this life.
Perhaps there is no conclusion I've come to…maybe there is no light at the end of this well I've been falling into.
Except maybe that, with this vulnerability, I will experience just a breath of freedom.